we arranged to meet at the bus stop outside the registry. i was early, but as i approached, i could already see him; he always seemed to be earlier for all our appointments. dressed uncomfortably in an overly large suit that seemed to swallow his frame, he stood by the pavement, watching the buses pass by. it reminded me of the first day we met; he was wearing that same suit. on second thought, that day doesnt seem too long ago. actually, i corrected myself, it wasnt long ago at all.
he's too skinny, i thought, but i like men like that. better skinnier than fat.
i caught his eye as i alighted. i was wearing a new dress, a white, lacy dress. the closest you could get to a wedding dress without the expenses. my mom and i argued over it. she wanted me to wear red. red for luck, white for death. but white was more fashionable these days, and it was my day, so i won in the end. besides, he likes white on me.
he waved me over.
"did you bring everything?", he asked. i nodded, not trusting my voice over the roar of the engines.
"are you ready?" he added, slightly rushed. i nodded again.
"then lets go."
with my arm in his, we walked together into the big, looming building and into the empty lobby. he looked around and gently directed me towards the correct office.
i didnt sleep the night before. nor the previous. actually, i dont remember sleeping much this week. the idea of doing this both terrified and excited me at the same time. was i ready? was this too fast? must it be him? my mother didnt really approve, but then again, she never really approved of all the other men i dated before. and she did marry my
father. besides, i knew, somewhere deep down, that i was doing the right thing. that i'll never meet a man like him again and that he would make me happy. still, the implications of our marriage were far bigger than i had ever anticipated.
"you're wearing the shoes i bought you." his voice jolted me out of my thoughts and i looked down at my white nikes. he bought them for me with his own credit card. they were my most prized possessions and it drove my friends mad with jealousy, knowing that my boyfriend had a credit card.
"yeah." my own voice sounded weak to me. we sat down on the stiff, plastic chairs and waited for our number to be called.
there weren't too many other people in the waiting area. great, i thought. the last thing i need is to be jostled along by a bunch of loud smokers. although, perhaps loud smokers do not frequent these places.
"so. did you eat?" he was obviously trying to start a conversation, so i took pity on him.
"yeah. my mother says you should come over for dinner tomorrow. we are eating with your parents today right?"
"yeah. they're whipping up a feast. you'll love it, my mother is a fantastic cook." he grinned. talking about food always brings that glint into his eyes, especially when its cooked by his mother. perhaps he will not be skinny for long, after all.
not having a wedding was another thing that bothered me, a little. sure, my parents didnt have one either, but that was then. nowadays, weddings were more frequent, but still, expensive. we could've afforded a small one if we had to, but we decided it wasnt necessary. there'll be a lot of other things to buy when we move. but it would still have been nice to have one. even if it were a traditional one instead of those westernised ones you see on tv.
a clear male voice called out his name. we stood up together and walked towards the counter.
"registering your marriage?" he asked.
"yes." i answered before he could, my voice firmer than my resolve.
the receptionist checked all our particulars and requested we wait for our turn with the official. we returned to our seats.
"when will you be returning to america?" i asked.
"probably in two weeks or so? the term is starting. once i get there i'll register to get you over too."
i nodded.
"are you sure you want to come over? you could always stay. i could come back once im done." the offer hung in midair, but i rejected it before it could tempt me.
"nah. besides the wife follows wherever her husband is." we smiled at my weak attempt at lightening up the atmosphere.
i looked back down, to the ring that sits on my finger. the memory of its purchase cheered me up slightly. we were on a date, sitting by the fountain in a posh hotel, when he suddenly stood up, pointed to the jewellery shop directly across us, and declared that it was time to buy a ring. i was stunned. it had only been a month, but i let him drag me to the store. buy any one, he grinned, i brought money today. i remember smiling back, heart aflutter and mind in a whirl. i picked the smallest one. it had a red stone set in its gold band. it wasnt big, but it was pretty. and it meant the world to me.
the door of the office cracked open, and the man inside called out his -no, our- name. i looked up and into his eyes and we smiled to each other as we walked in.
--
heh. sometimes i like to wonder about the circumstances of my parents marriage. i didnt intend it to be this long! but ah, wtv, i needed a break from studying anws. (:
Escaped
{4:51 pm}
---
new soonnngggg! the previous was erm.
Right to be Wrong by Joss Stone. the new one is
How Far We've Come by Matchbox Twenty, which is old but more of the "get out of your chair and dance!" variety! :D so... do just that!
--
last night i dreamt that they invented toothpastes that had music in it O: like when you open the tube and squeeze it out music plays O: my little sister (suddenly i had a third one o.o) was going to create an orchestra out of it.
damn cool right :D
(im up early today to make up for ytd cant you tell :D)
Escaped
{8:08 am}
---
edit: my sisters baking generic banana chocolate chip muffins today. how i wish i had time to try out my new recipes ): Banana Chocolate Chip Espresso Cupcakes with Peanut Butter Frosting (try saying that really really fast!) or, more adventurously Creamy Kiwi and Coconut Milk Cupcakes
i just got up. teeheehee xD
i wish there was one more day of holiday. really ): just oneeeeee more day? ):
my mommy has bought a giantly awesomezz chocolately chocolate cake from four leaves cos exams are coming up. i love chocolate and i love eating cakes for no apparent occasion. :D
(but eeee. why the picture look so unappetizing ): ) i realise i have not had pictures up in real long cos they all just go to fb. but i shall try to put more pictures up cos pictures are pretttyyyyy (: im so happy people actually read my long and boring post heehee.
kk studying time ~~
--
there is no pleasant way to tell someone that you dont love them (enough) anymore.
Escaped
{12:14 pm}
---
Saturday, August 29, 2009
ytd was RGS's Be Yourself Day (in which you dressed up as yourself) and the theme of the day was "Ambition".
so my sister dug out her most ambitious shirt (HARVARD UNIVERSITY -gaspgasp-) and went to school xD
--
the thing about ambition in jc is that suddenly it becomes all important. in sec 4 everyone was like "what i want to be? no idea. nvm lah study for eoys go jc then think." now that we actually are here, it becomes "how come you still dunno what you want to be? can you make up your mind already! you already in jc leh! need to apply for university! HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO BE YET."
and that is terribly pressurising.
the lucky kids, of course, were born with, or decided somewhere earlier in the life, on what they want to be. those are the people with the direction, with the goal, with the plan. the rest of us? pretty much "unemployed", drifting around like lotus leaves in hope of waking up one day and just. knowing. and the older we become, the more we realise that what you WANT to be, is really just a lie. rather, its more like what you CAN be, or what you SHOULD be, or for the sadder ones, what you have no choice but be. there are a hundred things to consider. financial costs, length of studying, future employment prospects etcetc. that makes the whole thing entirely different from "I WANT TO BE A FIREMAN FULLSTOP".
science students, pretty much all go through the idea of med school. i spent most of my sec sch life dwelling upon it, busy building up the credentials and gathering experience from every available opportunity. but in the end, rather abruptly i guess, i stopped, turned around, and asked myself if i could honestly do it. could i study for 15 odd years? could i endure the idea of coming fresh out of university at 35? if i wanted my own clinic, chances are i'll be 40 before it happens. and of course, why was i so intent on med school anws? was it the constant brainwashing by the society on how important doctors were? was it because i was a science student that i automatically zoned into that path? was it because i was female and thus tended towards the pediatrician route? was it because of the money, the prestige, and the promise of employment? people always say its because they want to help, but is being a doctor the only way to help people? my answers for majority of the above questions were no. there were other things in life i wanted and i wasnt going to fight my way around in med sch for a majority of my life.
so i put that idea on hold (but not away entirely. the idea of psychiatry it awfully fascinating (: ) and moved outwards to give myself more space. from medicine i derived scientific research. of all my paths this one i actually had experience in. i was confident it was going to be a straightforward path and that, with the growing biomedical industry, i'll probably find a job. but the idea of lab work does not appeal to me, and the opportunities in the field were too few. with my character i could probably grow cells for 5 years, but could i do it for 20? what would i get out of it at the end of my career anyway? the satisfaction that cells were grown for experiments that may potentially change people's lives?
my last option is the business world. the corporate ladder, which i previously shunned due to the lack of interest on a "desk job". it was the lifestyle, i guess, that appeals to me. there's so much more flexibility and variety in the business world. the more i think about it, the more i find it fits right in with my personality. they say the private sector is a cruel, cruel world and only the tough survive. but im willing to give it a go (: like i was telling vera, I SHOULD SET UP A ORGANIC FROZEN YOGHURT SHOP :D
(this has been a terribly long post. i think about a lot of shit ): )
whatever it is, future career prospects are definitely going to be of serious importance to all of us in the days to come. its kinda depressing really, to have only a couple of year to spend thinking about what you would like to do for the next 40? years of your life ):
Escaped
{9:57 am}
---
Thursday, August 27, 2009
i realise my posts are all terribly mundane D: i must use more Exclamation! Points! So! That! My! Posts! Do! Not! Sound! So! Tired/Boring!
hahahaha. but yeah. forgive me if i bores yous normallys. i will try! to! make! an! effort! to! make! my! posts! more! animated!
(mr sean yeoh has scored 160000plus on bejewelled blitz HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE RAWR)
today was bio spa, which was terrible but ahhhh okay. i will not think about it anymores :D IT IS OVERRRR. to i can move on to things like pwpwpwpwpwpw O:
today after schools a couple of us went to the hodgelodge to play/watch people play fako real soccer! hahahah i love watching people play games cos their reactions are priceless xD after the players slowly dwindled away to their various appointments, i was left with the controls with amanda and biang. so biang took up the wonderful job of teaching me and amanda the art of playing soccer with controls and i think... we nearly killed him hahahhaa. WE ARE SUCH NOOBS OMG.
but there is something hilariously fun about being all lost and confused and playing soccer at the same time xD. i heard, after i left vera with the controls, that vera is Good. so one of these i will challenge vera. hello vera if you read this I CHALLENGE YOU TO IMAGINARY SOCCER YAY US.
after "soccer" was bio o, in which we jumped straight into surprisesurprise! Reproduction. srsly. when you're still high from scoring own goals and tired from a whole day of tension over spa you Do Not want to delve into the male reproductive organs at 4.30pm.
but there is something to be said about having lessons on reproduction in a co-ed school xD
Mrs Nair: Men can never be accused of sitting around and doing nothing because they produce 4000 sperms per second
(which is kinda. a hell lot.)
Mrs Nair: When a woman is trying to get pregnant, what would she do?
-pause-
Ok. You know what she would do lah.
last quote of the day!
Mrs Khoo: If anyone needs anymore fresh P, please take okay!
Escaped
{8:03 pm}
---
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
the thing about afternoon naps is that you go to sleep and never want to wake up again D:
Escaped
{4:25 pm}
---
i have a depressing countdown calendar on my igoogle page that tells me there are 37 more days until promos.
it used to say 50plus.
GAH.
when i stress study i eat a lot. since sunday, ive had half a bag of ruffles, a bag of mini oreos, a bag of seaweed, one whole pint of ben and jerry's and half a giant bag of cheezels D: thats... more junk food than ive had in the last 3 months DD:
but its ok promos pressure will squeeze all the substance out of me xD
okok. study time.
Escaped
{4:28 pm}
---
Saturday, August 22, 2009
im impossibly shagged.
and would prob have to face a lot of flak from huichin when we next meet about how disgustingly messy and disorganised everything was.
but wtv. cannot be bothered. after so long of trying to keep everything together, im just glad its over and everyone survived. like literally.
Thank you Lord for keeping the day smooth-going. (:
love goes out to everyone who participated (:
--
i guess, the best way to treat things, is naturally. no need to make mountains out of molehills.
Escaped
{8:42 pm}
---
buying 185 mugs from daiso = clearing half their shelf on mugs = a very interesting experience.
Escaped
{9:25 pm}
---
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
gah.
im so. utterly confused and lost. and i have no bloody time to sort this out.
if ive learnt anything at all, ive learnt that in JC, everybodys life gets super confusing. and no one really has the time to DEAL WITH IT so we just let it be, and it snowballs into this. unrecognisable mess.
gahhhhhhh.
how much i wish i could be there for you, right now, holding you in my arms and telling you i'll be here, no mater what happens. but i cant, because i know that it will only last a minute, before i have to turn around and leave. and it kills me because i know you need someone with you now, and you dont have anyone else.
doesnt help, of course, that somehow, in a way i wasnt even aware of, my own life somehow became super complicated too T.T LIKE SINCE WHEN OMG.
life needs to come with pause buttons. because all this just makes me feel like eating my work like cookie monster eats his biscuits, and go to sleep.
thankfully though, my displaced brain is still lucid enough for me to focus on impt things. like chem spa today, which was kinda good (FINALLY A GOOD SPA FOR THE ONE THAT ACTUALLY AMOUNTS TO SOMETHING. THANK YOU GOD :D:D) and minds coming up. i swear, if something
else crops up, i will saw myself into two and drown each part of myself into the two halfs of the biodiversity pond.
eww.
Escaped
{9:09 pm}
---
memes are things you do to run away from studying econs.
tagged by claire! this one is
strangeee.
Go to: http://thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi
Put your name in, and generate slogan after each question.
1. What do you say to yourself every morning?
Cuts Joanne Time in Half
[i dont get it o.o oh i know! waking up at 6am every morning shortens my lifespan!]
2. What do you want other people to say about you?
Something Special in the Joanne
[awwww.]
3. Someone asked you out, your answer is...
Good to the Last Joanne
[erm. that either means. NO IM TOO GOOD FOR YOU/ NO IM A GOOD GIRL AND WILL NOT GO OUT WITH GUYS LIKE YOU or OKAY YAY IM SURE YOU WOULDNT REGRET IT]
4. How would you answer a booty call?
Got a Joanne? You're in Luck.
[like claire's, this one sounds badddd]
5. How would you introduce yourself to someone you really like?
Fast Joanne and Good for You
[HAHA. SO MUCH FOR SLOWJO.]
6. To someone you dislike?
Grab Life by the Joanne
[wha-? who cares about your life, just dont grab my hair]
7. You're in a conversation and you suddenly feel the need to pee, how would you excuse yourself?
Joanne prevents that Sinking Feeling
[hahahah wth]
8. Your parents ask you why you got home late, you say...
If you want to get ahead, get a Joanne
[erm. i was out getting ahead? huh?]
9. You're failing a subject, you say...
Whatever you're into, get into Joanne
[SOUNDS WRONG.]
10. The love of your life asks you to marry him/her, what do you say?
The Real Smell of Joanne
[what?! huh?! if you like my phermones ill marry you :D]
11. Your bf/gf is breaking up with you, you tell him/her...
Thank Joanne its Friday
[erm. okay. its friday so i get the weekend to mourn? ]
12. Someone told you you're an asshole, you tell them...
The best Joanne a Man can get.
[HAHAHA. this would be more applicable to 11. but still. i'm the best so screw you.]
13. What are the best words to describe you?
Leaves your Joanne Minty not Mediciney
[sounds like mouthwash o.o but okay fine. you'll never get sick of me muahahha]
14. If you're going to have a movie about your life, the title is...
There's first love, and then there's Joanne love.
[whoa. the likes of the Notebook eh?]
15. Your last words before you die...
Always after Me Joanne
[HAHA. YOU'LL FOLLOW SOON AFTER]
16. Your message to a special someone..
Mama's got the Magic of Joanne
[AWWW. I LOVE MY MOMMY TOO.]
17. Title of this post will be...
Joanne, Take me away.
[from econs]
Escaped
{3:03 pm}
---
Saturday, August 15, 2009
people need to blog more.
im actually home on a sat afternoon! fabs right. xD
i love vera, shes so cute. and because i know she reads sometimes, heres a shout out HELLO VERA ILY :D people who read make me happy (thus, so do people that tag) because i feel less like an idiot rambling to myself when i know there are actually people who read my ramblings!
anws. more on vera xD
vera says:
hello jo. i stalked your blog. YOU CAN MAKE IT -looks you in the eyes-
joou: love the worthy says:
O:--
vera says:
today i found my soulmate, she is my friend since sec 1 but only today then i realised that her mind = my mind
joou: love the worthy says:
o.o
what!
vera?!
vera says:
haha really you know
for real
like we agree on every single thing
she really is me and i really am her
joou: love the worthy says:
okay vera
OH NO VERA ARE YOU LESBIAN
vera says:
NO I AM NOT
joou: love the worthy says:
1. you only rank guys 3 or 5 and 2. you have a female soulmate!
vera!
vera says:
BUT I REALLY FOUND MY SOULMATE AS IN AGREE WITH MY SOUL FRIEND
LIKE I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE IS SO ALIKE TO ME AND I AM SHOCKED AND STUMPED BECAUSE IT SEEMED IMPOSSIBLE AND I NEVER THOUGHT SOMETHING LIKE THIS WOULD EVER HAPPEN
BUT NOT LESBIAN
BOO
i usually dont save/ post chats, but these are unbearably cute.
edit: volunteers have fallen from the skies. THANKYOU.
Escaped
{3:25 pm}
---
edit2: seems like my mom can tell as well, since she has brought out an impressive array of $2 kiwis and bottles of High-Calcium Reduced Sugar Fresh Soya Bean Milk Almond Flavour.
edit: i need 10 more volunteers for my proj to not flop completely. please, someone, just let volunteers fall from the skies.
wow.
i have not been so exhausted in a while.
when im like this my brain flat lines. i stare into space and not register anything i see. im pretty much oblivious to my surroundings and have a horrid tendency to
corss cross the road without registering that im
corss crossing the road, only to find myself halfway
acorss across the crossing when the
lgihtlight is red and the cars are coming in from both sides and people on both side of the crossing staring at me like im a
indiot idiot.
and
hwne when im like this i would really like to be able to email people, yahoo mail.
and i totally died on the bus. luckily i woke up just before my stop.
please. i cannot fall sick until week 10.
on days like these, all i need is a good solid hug and for someone to look into my eyes and tell me i can make it.
Escaped
{6:28 pm}
---
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
i do not feel like doing anything today.
what is wrong with meeeeeee.
so much work and all i wanna do is to watch fantastic four on okto. and i dont even like that show.
rawr. today comparatively worse off then rest of days.
-bangs head on table-
--
it occurs to me, that had i been successful last year, i would've been gone by now. i wonder, if i would have been ready. and if i would have been happy.
at least i do know, that now, im a bit lost and confused.
gahh.
Escaped
{8:23 pm}
---
1. LESSON ONE: NEVER POKE YOUR FINGER INTO PAINTING TO TEST IF DRY.
because it will leave a fingerprint. on the middle of your petal.
im contemplating painting it over, but its not that obvious so i'll live with my perfectionism for a while, at least until i muster the energy to go fix it.
in the mean time, thanks loves for all the support, i promise i will continue to work hard on it and produce more pieces maybe after promos (cos now notimenotimenotime ))))): ) but yes. someone slap me if i give up, like i did the last 2 times.
2. if i havent mentioned before, my interact batchproj is a MINDS Sports Day on 22nd Aug (next next sat!). which means im super super busy right now with a lot of admin stuff to clear. yup. but anws the point of my posting this (besides telling you guys my crazy life) is to call for volunteers! i think i may be seriously short of people, so if you're interested and have time this sat from 9.30 to 1.00 for dry run and next sat from 9.30 to 6.00, please let me know :D:D
3. im so TIREDDDDD. will sleep today earlier today. like 11.00. promise.
4. ive been so busy and tired i havent had time to freak out about chem spa next week! which is probably a good thing. because nerves KILL me. but gahhh! CHEM SPA. as;fhawe;jlcvmnawelrouhg.
5. OHOH. new song, if you are seriously not the music kind, is "More Than Words" by Extreme (cos i didnt manage to find the Ron Keating original)
6. ndp this year is kinda COOL. i liked it! and it takes a bit of work to impress me with propagandaish things like ndp! but it was super nice this year i love all the involvement of local celebrities and everything. i even love the song now :D
also, when i was in sheng siong earlier that day and they were playing ndp songs on the pa system, all the little kids shopping were singing along! and of course i was too. BUT IT WAS DAMN COOL AND CUTE OMG. ive always envisioned a scene where like a song plays and everyone in a certain place start singing/dancing simultaneously.
cos thats damn cool.
7. my first despo attempt has failed ): ive not managed to find anyone to go to drahma this sat/fri with me at all despite my very obviously despo ads. rawr ): i really want to go and support everybody! cos i love them so much. and of course, because its for charity. like what better reason! SO LET ME KNOW IF YOU FREE. i will buy you ice cream! (oh god. the lows i have sunken to ): this would be, what jacq calls, the "desperate ri boy act". hahahha. )
Escaped
{4:51 pm}
---
IMDONEIMDONEIMDONEIMDONE! finally, after a whole month plusplus, im done! my first oil, dedicated to my family (lotuses are my moms favourite, and the reference to OU, akak lotus root, is obvious.)
LOVELOVELOVE. happy nat day people :D
Escaped
{7:06 pm}
---
edit: i just realised how extremely long the meme is! oh no i hope you guys dont read the whole thing O:
IM IN A MEME MOOD. i actually had to search archives for memes. why are nobody doing them anymore ):
01) Bold what is true about you.
02)
Underline Strike out what is half true. because blogger has no underline!
03) Italicise what you wish was true about you.
•
I miss somebody right now.•
I don't watch much TV these days. (sadly ): )
• I own lots of books. (lots is relative ): but compared to all the readers i know i guess my collection is non-existent)
•
I wear glasses or contact lenses.• I love to play video games. (HAHA. im terrible at them!)
•
I've tried marijuana. (SEE YTDS POST :D)
• I've watched porn movies. (O:)
• I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. (OO:)
•
I believe honesty is generally the best policy.•
I curse sometimes. (OMG LAST NIGHT I DREAMT THAT I WAS SO ANGRY AT SOMEONE I SAID THE F WORD O: HOW HORRIBLE)
•
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. (ya think. welcome to jc manzzz)
• I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. (O: how... erin)
• I have broken someone's bones.
•
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal. (just cos it sounds cool to be all mysterious-like xD)
• I hate the rain. (i love rain!)
•
I'm paranoid at times. (very much so ahahahha)
• I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. (hmmm. idk haha i dont really love my nose, but i can live with it. so i guess not!)
•
I need/want money right now. (DUH. materialism ftw!)
•
I love sushi. (411 sakae buffets. nuff said)
• I talk really, really fast. (do i? i know i talk a lot :D)
•
I have fresh breath in the morning. (): xD)
•
I have long hair. (ikr. but its going to happen. trust me! whoever comes near my hair with the intention to cut it i KILL)
• I have lost money in Las Vegas. (been there, not too sure if my parents have done that)
•
I have at least one sibling.• I was born in a country outside of the U.S. (O: AMERICAN QUIZ AHAHAHHAA)
• I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past. (but fake eyelashes are cool! grad night!!)
• I couldn't survive without Caller I.D. (no. i answer indiscriminately. then again not a lot of random strangers call me.)
•
I like the way that I look. (normally this would be bolded, but this cardboard looking thing has been worrying me. the last time i didnt sleep/eat well my mom said im turned into a refugee. so i have to work hard to make sure i dont this time!)
•
I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months. (i cant even rmb if i did but im sure i have. politics in jc? horrible)
• I am usually pessimistic.
•
I have a lot of mood swings. (at least i think so! right now im terribly happy :D)
• I think prostitution should be legalised. (gah. tough one ): idk ):)
• I slept with a roommate. (i was going to bold this and go VIOLET. but i realise "slept with" means sex and not... sleeping next to)
•
I have a hidden talent. (:D)
•
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have. (lately (: )
•
I have a lot of friends. (not too sure about the quantity, but im very loved for which im always grateful for. I LOVE YALL FRIENDS :D:D:D)
•
I enjoy talking on the phone. (call me ~~~~ xD)
• I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
•
I love to shop and/or window shop. (DOUBLE BOLD)
•
I'm obsessed with my LiveJournal Blogger.•
I don't hate anyone. I dislike them. ( ): )
•
I'm a pretty good dancer.• I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother. (why! i love my mommy!)
•
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months. (because ive never and it'll be cool to try. once. (before we get to the age where such actions end up as one-night stands) then never again O:)
•
I've rejected someone before.•
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. (major sticking point at times, but wtv. right now all i wanna do is to get my batch proj done and over with and get a solid SPA grade. god i sound like i have NO LIFE.)
•
I want to have children in the future.• I have changed a diaper before.
•
I have a lot to learn. (who doesnt? o.o)
• I am shy around the opposite sex. (hahahahhaa. idk! am i!)
• I'm online 24/7, even as an away message. (most of the time! but not 24/7 my laptop will burn and die ): )
• I have at least 5 away messages saved.
•
I have tried alcohol or drugs before. (drinks! not drugs!)
• I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past. (O: not in my principle to do so)
• I own the "South Park" movie. (ew.)
•
I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on LiveJournal. (LIKE NOW)
•
I enjoy some country music. (mostly just taylor swift)
•
I would die for my best friend(s). (i would do a lot of things. but die...?)
• I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist. (hoho. only when it comes to formatting)
• I have used my sexuality to advance my career. (HAHA. but i dont have!)
•
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy. (ive had one TRUE halloween. one of the best memories of my life was getting scared to death by a pirate)
• I have dated a close friend's ex. (again. against my principles. unless cannot be avoided)
•
I am happy at this moment. (SUPREMELY SO)
• I'm obsessed with guys. (O:)
• Democrat.(NA)
• Conservative Republican. (NA)
• I am punk rockish. (HA. like you ould believe if i bolded this)
• I go for older guys/girls, not younger. (hmm. NA at this moment)
•
I study for tests most of the time.• I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met. (THIS IS SO BIQUAN)
• I can work on a car. (i can study on a car, but i can fix it xD)
•
I love my job. (i shall assume studying is a job too ): )
•
I am comfortable with who I am right now.• I have more than just my ears pierced.
•
I walk barefoot wherever I can. (of all places singapore should be the best place to do this, but i only do this when i get into my condo grounds and my heels are killing me xD)
•
I have jumped off a bridge. (LIKE IN YESMAN O: SO COOL)
•
I love sea turtles. (i generally like animals?)
• I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
•
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream. (i just have to find it first ): )
•
I am proficient on a musical instrument.• I hate office jobs.
• I went to college out of state.
• I am adopted.
• I am a pyro. (whats a pyro o.o)
• I have thrown up from crying too much.
• I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
• I fall for the worst people and have been hurt every time.
•
I adore bright colors.• I usually like covers better than originals.
• I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.
•
I can pick up things with my toes.• I can't whistle.
•
I have ridden/owned a horse.• I still have every journal I've ever written in.
• I talk in my sleep. (??)
• I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century. (HAHA. no. 21st centruy ftw!)
•
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions. (sadly)
• I wear a toe ring.
•
I have a tattoo. (i want one! but its a Bad Idea because employees may not like you ): and what if you get old and shaggy! then ugly ): )
• I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with. (i try not to let people bother me. so i can live with it :D)
• I am a caffeine junkie. (DIE. COFFEE.)
•
I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.• If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder. (AIYOU EVIL. but sometimes i wonder how far my morality keeps me from doing stupid things)
•
I've cosplayed or know what cosplaying is. (i know what it is!)
•
I have been to over 15 conventions. (they are fun :D)
• I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
• I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
•
I'm an artist. I like to draw. (second part yes. first part??)
•
I am ambidextrous. (like jonlee ):)
• I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.
• If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony. (HAHA)
• I have terrible teeth. (i like my teeth! -flashes grin-)
•
I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.• I have more friends on the internet than in real life. (oh no.)
•
I have lived in either three different states or countries.•
I am extremely flexible. (ESP NEXT TO BAILU IN YOGA)
•
I want to own my own business.• I smoke.
•
I spend way too much time on the computer.• Nobody has ever said I'm normal. (O: ive had a lot of weird comments but hey im still roughly normal ok!)
•
Sad movies, games, fics and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then. (i cry in all disney movies. shark tale included)
• I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons.
• I like the way women look in stylised men's suits. (o.o)
•
I don't like it when people are displeased or seem displeased with me. (ESP WHEN THEY DONT TELL ME WHY)
• I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
• I have played strip poker with someone else before.
• I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help. (O:)
•
I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.• I can't stand being alone. (i like my alone times :D)
•
I have at least one obsession at any given time. (right now its jamie oliver! cant you telll)
• I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again. (ew. no.)
• I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.
• I'm a judgmental asshole.
• I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
• I sometimes wish my father would just disappear.
•
I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am. (if i even believe them in the end o.o)
•
I can speak more than one language. (HAHA. like. chinese?)
•
I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be. (lately, yes. but im a light sleeper so i wake up at any noise xD )
• I would rather read than watch TV.
• I like reading fact more than fiction.
• I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do. (nah. shoot myself if i do)
• I have no piercings.
• I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.
• I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night. (sad!)
• I've been married and am now divorced.
•
There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it. (that was a LONG time ago)
• I like most animals better than most people.
• I own a collection of retro games consoles.
•
The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver. (HAHA IM SUCH A LAZY BUM)
• I have hit someone with a dead fish.
•
I have written/read erotic stories. (sometimes unavoidable in fanfics (: )
•
I am compulsively honest.• I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.
• I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers. And not been ashamed.
• I have gone from wishing I was a boy to reveling in being a girl to feeling like a boy again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex. (o.o weird)
• I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders. (O:)
• I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to. (NEVER)
• I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.
• I dislike milk.
• I obsessively wash my hands.
• I always carry that something significant around with me.
•
Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair. (HAHA> sorry hair ): )
• I love talking about myself to the point where I need to be stopped. (i do talk to myself. but not out loud. only in my head. so no one can shut me up!)
•
I often sing whenever I can.• I have experienced some type of traumatic abuse in my lifetime.
• I've experienced visions and dreams which I know/believe are from my past life.
• I have deja vu so vivid that I feel faint.
•
I love Harry Potter. (the story, not the guy. because it makes draco/ginny fanfics possible xD im such a geek)
• My parents are not together.
•
I don't believe in love. (hmm. romantic i mean. i generally dont believe in things i havent experienced before. but someone pleaseeee prove me wrong.)
• I hate people who walk incredibly slow. (haha i dont! but i do walk fastly xD)
• I have extreme contempt for the vast majority of people.
• Sometimes I don't shower before work.
• To me, procrastination is like a disease. (O:)
•
I want to sleep now.• I enjoy watching two guys kissing each other. (OMG)
• I am a typical Gemini born. (my dad is! im typical capricorn xD)
• The more I searched the less I've found.
• As a child I was a huge crybaby.
• I'm feeling alone very fast.
•
I'm living in a fairytale and I'm the noble Princess, who saves the day. (HAHA. I WANNA BE A PRINCESS)
• I always have to spell my (real) name.
• I want to die in my sleep. (ive always wanted to die randomly and suddenly of a freak accident.)
• I have a strange laugh.
•
If they let me, I can sleep 12 hours in a row. (on days like this!)
•
I wish I could transform myself into a boy every now and then. (esp in toilet queues! cos the male toilet NEVER has queues!)
•
I dance in the rain and don't feel like a fool. (i dont really dance in the rain out of fear for my immune system ): )
• I have a favorite stuffed animal that I will not ever get rid of.
• I sing 80's hair metal songs into my hairbrush on a daily basis. (o.o)
• I have a speech disorder.
• I'm infatuably attracted to men with long, blond, curly hair. (O: sounds like a hobo)
• I sometimes have the urge to take a shot of whiskey or open a can of beer at odd times in the day.
•
I have a weakness for guys with nice bodies. (who doesnt o.o)
•
I plan to move to another country at some point in my life.•
Ever wanted to be a certain fictional character. (ginny! so DRACO MALFOY CAN BE MINE)
• My dreams are so vivid, they feel real. (i always know when im dreaming)
• I'm a huge geek, the comic-book and video game kind, not the smart kind.
• I can get jealous easily.
• My computer and harddrive are pretty much my most prized possessions.
• I prefer to buy CDs than download music, free or otherwise.
•
I have had teeth pulled.• I listen to music in at least five different languages.
• I think boys/guys/men are icky. (HOHO.)
• I prefer dim lights or candlelight to bright lights.
•
I fully acknowledge that I love lame jokes, because they're lame.•
I get happy when I buy food on sale. (im a sale kinda girl xD)
•
I can find beauty and something to love in anything around me. (keeps me going!)
• Desperate to find where I belong. (WHERE I BELONGGGG WHERE I KEEP MY HEART AND SOULLLL)
• I am a home-owner.
•
I more often feel like an outsider than that I belong. (the disadvantages of being not very singaporean ): )
•
I'm very spiritual, but not religious at all.• I've been to 10+ concerts in my life.
•
I worry a lot about my future, but at the end of the day, I know I'm going to get everything I'm working for. (i worry a lot ): but not sure if i can get it! or else whats the point of worrying o.o)
• I'd rather be told I'm funny than be told I'm smart.
• I don't actually dress-up to go nowhere, unless I'm supposed to impress someone.
•
I prefer savoury stuff to sweet stuff.• I think I still like him, alot.
• I like guys with braces!
now wasnt that long! but very satisfying hahahhaa.
Escaped
{11:15 am}
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Thursday, August 06, 2009
1. PW DRAFT ONE IS IN. WOHOOOO. :D:D:D:D not my 100% work, but who cares, it was the best i could do given the short deadline ):
2. nat day celebs today were fun! events like this always make me miss 411 exponentially more because we always had such insane energy at our rg events. but at the same time, im very very proud of the 3Gians involved in RedParade for sacrificing so much of their time so that we could have an awesome time :D
2. partially due to said 1., i was so sleepy today i ordered marijuana(marinara) at new york new york. im not even kidding, the waitress gave me a weird look.
4. apparently, arriving home at 11.00pm is so out of character for me that my dad has to call from china on my way home to make sure i wasnt kidnapped and dumped lifelessly in some dark alley.
Escaped
{11:16 pm}
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Wednesday, August 05, 2009
ytd was my parent's 21st wedding anniversary.
according to my mom, her conversation with my dad (currently in shanghai) went something like this:
mom: hello darling do you know what day it is today!
dad: what day.
mom: guess!
dad: what day.
mom: think about it carefully!
dad: what day.
mom: our wedding anniversary!
dad: OH. Spending Daddy's money mommy very happy.
i know right. "spending daddys money very happy" is my dads favourite phrase, esp when we go out shopping. it is closely followed by "laugh daddy's head off", which he uses whenever we say things he find particularly ridiculous even if true, like "Daddy I'm SO taller than you!"
yeah my dad is something unique. xD
ever since the concept of Relationships fully hit me ive been in awe at my parent's marriage. matchmaked by my dads juniors wife, my parents dated for a
month before they got married. there was no wedding (one of the few things on my agenda when I Earn My Own Money) but they've stuck together since. im not sure if it was love at first sight, in fact im doubt it, but it certainly speaks volumes of their commitment to our family. not to say there have been no ups and downs, but
seriously. one month --> 21 years?! very, very admirable, esp on my mom's part, because well, my dad is something unique. xD i guess i derive my light-heartedness from her, because if you dont hold a grudge against people and accept their flaws for quirks, you tend to be able to turn things into jokes and laugh about it affectionately.
so one day late but nonetheless, i thank my parents for all their love towards our family, their individual sacrifices, and i hope they have another 21 happy years of marriage (:
Escaped
{4:57 pm}
---
despair.
is like a yawn.
it devours you.
swallows you whole.
it shuts your eyes
and closes your ears.
until you travel
down the tunnel
into the infinite
darkness.
Escaped
{4:32 pm}
---
my sister has decided to take up lit for her sec 3 and 4 years.
on one hand, im not sure if my opinions arise from my personal apititude towards anything but lit so i dont want to force them on her, and of course its up to her to make the decision by herself. but after so many years of knowing rala and humans kids, it strikes me that lit is really a very unqiue subject. the skills you learn in it cannot be applied readily to any other subject, unlike that of history whose sbq and structured are pretty much similar to econs case study and essay questions, even if the content differs. thats one. and im not sure she might take lit in jc, if we are even around for that long.
the second main worry i have about this is that well, lit is something unpredictable. either you're good at it, or you're not, either your examiner likes your style, or she doesnt. while its all happy saying Go! Experiment! (while you can!) i find that sec 4 grades really do matter because it determines where you are placed in jc. so theres actually something at stake here.
perhaps most importantly is whether or not my sis actually likes lit. of course shes shown a lot of unlike to history and geog (although i personally find the new Asian Studies very interesting, but ive done my dues alr so moving on), but i havent actually been hearing a lot of OMG LIT coming out of her mouth. and i dont want her to spend the next 2 years in complete misery if she doesnt measure up the standards of her fellow peers. coming from a very rala class, i know how GOOD people can get and well, it might be early but my sister's writing isnt as polised or as... litty as those ive read. and i also know people who are serious about lit and who live, eat and dream it... and i doubt my sister can measure up with regards to that amount of passion.
so im just really worried she lacks the passion and the aptitude. and that really, if its down to anything but, lit has to be the worse choice.
theres another issue here, my mom, who lives in her little idealised world, happens to think lit is a fabulous subject that would make a super cool "credential" in your cv. which is why she tried talking me into it when i made my choice and is wholly supporting my sister right now. maybe its the chinese thing, but lit to my mom is like super high-class and like OMG SHAKESPEARE. im sure my sister understands this so i dont think she taking my moms support too seriously.
gahhh. anws in the end its her choice, so be it.
Escaped
{8:09 pm}
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gah im so annoyed. why do i have australian math competition on thursday when i am supposed to have class outinggggggg T.T
Escaped
{5:20 pm}
---
I WANT TO MARRY JAMIE OLIVER.
(while looking for a picture i noticed he is actually alr married. DANG. there goes my fangirling post )))))): )
but dyamn. he is damn sexy, multiplied a million times over because my heart melt like the chocolate in his hands when he is cooking.
look at that intense concentration man. dudes that concentrate with such intensity are so damn hot.
Escaped
{11:30 pm}
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Saturday, August 01, 2009
INEEDTOGOOUTINEEDTOGOOUTINEEDTOGOOUT.
but no. dont see it happening anytime soon.
)))))):
-insert rant about how she also wants to do stupidly frivolous things once in a while-
supposed to have gone for art this morning but i woke up and was like HELL AH NVM. anws i have next week which is nat day hols which hopefully means ill be more free and can actually sit down and paint for two hours without rushing myself. because what is the point if i rush to art, then rush away for service? NONE.
couple of things ive been meaning to post:
1. The first girl was slightly taller. Her hair was cropped short into a boy's style, her bright purple skirt, pulled up to her waist. Her stance was similar to that of a soldier's - feet apart and arms stiffly to the sides. On her right hand, she clutched onto a distinctively feminine wallet almost as if to remind herself she still had time for such frivolous things.
A respectable distance behind her (one foot, perhaps), stood the second girl. Head bowed, she seemed shorter, and smaller. On her right stood a bag that came up to her mid-thigh, which she held onto tightly with both hands. Dressed in a plain yellow t-shirt, her long straightened hair covered her face.
Two buses pull into the stop. The first girl strides towards the second one. The girl behind her jolts, then hurriedly follows, her body leaning heavily to the left to balance her weight.
The first girl strides swiftly through the bus and plants herself herself neatly in the centre. As the bus pulls away, the second one settles into her position, one foot behind.
(because when i people watch i write weird things like this in my head and when i dont post those, they... dont get posted)
2. I have funny adorable friends.
vera says:
haha ok byebye! see you and have fun with econs
joou: orchestrated mess says:
):
you sound evil )):
vera says:
no i am not sarcastic! i am not
its only because i dont put smileys. see:
have fun with econs :D
joou: orchestrated mess says:
THAT IS SARCASTIC AND EVIL VERA
vera says:
no
it isnt
joou: orchestrated mess says:
how can you put fun and econs in the same sentence and end with a smiley
):
vera says:
but i always say that to people
oh no
i have been giving people wrong impressions forever
joou: orchestrated mess says:
yes!
)):!
vera says:
but its ok you know i dont mean to be sarcastic and im really hoping you will have a passable time doing econs
joou: orchestrated mess says:
okay
fine >< vera says:
i shall convince you one day that i really dont mean it sarcastically
joou: orchestrated mess says:
ohkay
in the meantime i will take your advice to heart and try to enjoy myself T.Tvera and her wonderful monotonous abilities :Djoou: orchestrated mess says:
really? wow ive never had the opportunity to list tuition as a commitment!
this is so excitingfangyi says:
omg so smart
joou: orchestrated mess says:
yay ok im done!
hahahah funnyyy
fangyi says:
i think you're on crack
joou: orchestrated mess says:
nooooo
today i laughed for 10 mins during math and my classmates thought i was insane
fangyi says:
i do that all the time
once i did it for 2 straight hours
joou: orchestrated mess says:
KAY YOU INSANE
i think 3O has done cruel, cruel things to fangyi ):ok rubbish cleared! time for lunch before heading down to service!
Escaped
{11:28 am}
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